Finding Peace
by Phanael
Summary: Tsuzuki is sad and troubled when he seeks peace in the Imaginary World. Story centers around Tsuzuki and Touda. Please read and review. Rating: T


This is my second Yami No Matsuei story. The first one was a bit strange, Hisoka was too much OOC and I know. I confess: I do not really like him (dunno why…), therefore I will leave him out of this one as far as possible.

This story will center around Touda and Tsuzuki. It's hard to characterize Touda. I try not make him act OOC but still I won't promise anything. He's interesting but strange nevertheless. But I like him a great deal!

Disclaimer: Not mine…

Pairing: Tsuzuki x Touda

Rating: We'll see…I guess a T

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**Small things**

It is the small things that matter to Tsuzuki. He doesn't look for a final answer, for some big aims. He doesn't expect much of life. The shinigami knows that happiness is a rare thing and that he should appreciate it whenever he gets a taste of it. And he does. All he wants is the simple things in life.

Tsuzuki doesn't want another job. His job is fine, it suits him, even if it upsets him sometimes. He doesn't want more friends. His friends are the best ones a person like him could have. They are great and he loves them. It is the small things that matter to him:

Watari smiling at him with his bright eyes when he walks into the lab of the slightly confused scientist. A smile that is heart-warming and gentle. A true smile that tells him that he's welcome and wanted. Watari's warm and compassionate nature is what makes him smile as well, Watari's smile is what ignites his own smile.

Tatsumi telling him that everything his alright. The strong and unbreakable belief in Tsuzuki and his life. Something that warms him from the inside out. Tatsumi doesn't seem to like him but Tsuzuki knows that he does and that is all that matters. The small things. When Tatsumi tells him that he wants Tsuzuki to be happy. That is important to him. The pure responsibility of Tatsumi is what makes him responsible.

And Hisoka. The boy who thinks that Tsuzuki is foolish, too childlike. But still he does care and Tsuzuki is grateful for that. Even if Hisoka tells him that he's a fool on the other day he would be concerned when Tsuzuki isn't his childish self. That means a lot to the shinigami. A feeling of having a friend, a brother, family. Hisoka's friendliness is what helps Tsuzuki to be friendly and caring himself.

But sometimes all his friends aren't the companionship Tsuzuki seeks. Sometimes he's upset and he doesn't want to burden them with his gloomy moods and his sadness. On these days no one will find him. He has left the world, he has left the Enma-Cho.

**Leaving the Real World**

Tsuzuki has passed the gates. The Keepers knew him well, he often came by and when he entered the Imaginary World he looked so tired and worn. They would let him pass immediately.

The shinigami entered the palace. Tenkuu. One of his shikigami. And he didn't know why. He was such a troublesome creature, a lousy master but his shikigami still were loyal to him and some would even bow when they met him. He hated when they did it. He wasn't worth it. No one should kneel before a person like him. He had caused so much pain and sadness in his life. He wasn't even worth living. But still his shikigami saw in him their master…

Carefully Tsuzuki avoided his shikigami. He couldn't deal with any of them now. Suzaku with her crush on him. Sometimes he thought she was blinded by her love for him. Why would someone love him. And Souryuu… No, he simply didn't want to see him. Not even Byakko who always seemed happy and so full of life.

Life… When Tsuzuki thought about life all that came in his mind was darkness. His own life. He didn't want it, he hadn't ask to live. But he was kept alive by his friends. Even his shikigami wouldn't kill him. all except one: Touda.

Tsuzuki remembered the night, when the Fire God had nearly killed him. Touda had been a dark shadow in the hell that broke loose, when he was unleashed. Yes, he was a two edged sword. But that was what Tsuzuki admired in him: he was a mighty and strong being but so dangerous.

Touda knew that Tsuzuki was his master and when the shinigami had summoned him he simply stood in front of his, his dark shadow outlined by his fire. Dark flames, nearly black. "Is it really your wish to die, Tsuzuki?", Touda had asked in his cool and neutral voice. "Yes, Touda. Kill me!", Tsuzuki pleaded. The shikigami had obeyed. He had raked his fire until it was unbearably hot. It threatened to kill the purple eyed man and he welcomed death with open arms.

"You still think about it, Tsuzuki.", a well known voice said behind him and Tsuzuki spun around, started. The huge man always scared him to death when he snuck up behind him. His large purple eyes stared at Touda, clad all in black, his visor covering his eyes. "You startled me." He said in a small whisper. "You let your guards down." The shikigami answered.

Tsuzuki was glad that it was Touda who had found him. The demon-like shikigami knew that he hated it when his spirits knelt before him and so Touda didn't even try or make a move. He simply stood there, his hands at his sides, looking at Tsuzuki, like waiting for the man to say something. But the good thing about Touda was he simply didn't expect Tsuzuki to say something. It was a comfortable silence that spread between the two, completely different than those awkward silences Tsuzuki had experienced with the other shikigami or his friends.

**Peace**

Slowly the two men walked through the palace and left it behind. Tsuzuki didn't feel too well being inside Tenkuu. It was one of his shikigami but it just didn't feel right to…well walk through it. And he felt like being watched from all sides… They left the palace, walked into the gardens. The Sakura trees soothed Tsuzuki's troubled mind and he felt better with every step he took. Touda's presence made him feel better as well. It was like he was protected, feeling completely fine with the silence.

Tsuzuki's nerves finally settled down, when he and Touda sat down on the rooftop of one of the buildings surrounding the garden. It was like their ritual: whenever Tsuzuki visited the Imaginary World, sooner or later Touda and he would sit down and lay back, watching the stars above. It was comfortable, a cool breeze blowing above his face and the soft whisper of the leaves around him a light curtain of noise. Tsuzuki sighed and leaned his head back, waiting for the sun to set and the stars to rise. Only when the first stars appeared on the silken sky above he talked again.

"I feel better now.", Tsuzuki said with a slight smile. Touda knew this smile. It was so soft and breakable but it was true. It reached Tsuzuki's beautiful purple eyes and illuminated them like shining amethysts. The shikigami looked at his master his face still strangely expressionless. "That's good.", Touda said.

Tsuzuki looked up at his fire shiki and felt another pang in his heart. He was guilty of putting Touda in another cage. He had freed him from his prison and chains inside of Tenkuu but now he was controlled in another way. And Tsuzuki was sure he wasn't a very good master to him. Gently his fingers reached out and touched the sides of Touda's visor, the huge man stoically sitting still, watching his master from behind his visor.

"How I would love to see you beautiful eyes.", Tsuzuki whispered and Touda shook his head.

"I'm dangerous. Don't take it off.", he warned matter of fact like. Tsuzuki had seen Touda's beautiful eyes only once after he had freed him. When he had summoned the fire snake to kill him in Kyoto. Touda had stood in front of him, looking down on Tsuzuki with a blank expression on his face. "Are you sure you want me to kill you? My fire will not spare you…", he had said and Tsuzuki had nodded, fascinated by the fiery red eyes that looked so sad after he had nodded. He knew that Suzaku or Byakko wouldn't have been able to kill him. But Touda was. He understood.

Now Tsuzuki longed to see those eyes again. So red, so hot like the fire Touda was inside. And so beautiful and fascinating all the same. Like Touda himself. Tsuzuki let his hands glide over Touda's head while the other man sat perfectly still, curious what Tsuzuki would do. He himself had cut the hair of his shikigami. It had been an agreement Touda had made with Tenkuu. Otherwise the palace wouldn't have let him free. Tsuzuki wasn't happy to cut that long, glossy hair but he did, because Touda wanted it this way. He was fine with it because he had accepted Tsuzuki as his master.

The shinigami looked back at the stars, his hands leaving Touda. He sighed, like he was fully content with where he was. And that he was indeed.

"I only feel peaceful here. In this world, when I'm with you, Touda.", the shinigami whispered, his gaze never leaving the stars, the silver dots leaving a beautiful pattern on his purple pupils. Did this man even know that he was beautiful? Touda doubted it. Tsuzuki hated himself and his shikigami knew. It even hurt him that his master felt bad. That was why he let himself being commanded.

And because Tsuzuki was strong. It wasn't a strength one could see on first sight. It wasn't a strength one could see it all. But Touda sensed it and it called out to him, a mighty voice. Power seeking for power. And Touda was more than glad to obey to this call. It was like he needed Tsuzuki. But he knew Tsuzuki also needed him. It wasn't only giving or only taking. They were equals. Both imprisoned in their own small hell. And it was only each other's presence that would heal old wounds and new cuts.

"I know.", Touda answered after a long moment of contemplating. "Come with me, Tsuzuki."

**Letting go**

It was only with Touda that Tsuzuki would find peace. And only Touda could make him let go. The cold blooded shikigami knew what his master needed and he was happy to make his pain and sorrows go away. And it also melted his own sorrows away, his own angst and fears. He would touch Tsuzuki in the most gentle way, pressing him down into the soft cushions and lying above him. He would kiss him, stroke him and cradle him against his body.

And Tsuzuki would writhe underneath him, enjoying his fingers. The fire shikigami was cold blooded, but his skin felt so hot, when he leaned down and kissed Tsuzuki, when his hands glided over the shinigami's body. Touda's lips were gently, but fierce, he was now like the fire that lived in him. And Tsuzuki loved to surrender to his flames, that burnt his skin so gently.

When they lay together the sun was already rising. Touda held Tsuzuki close to his naked body, surrounded him, protected him. And it was these moments, when Tsuzuki felt completely happy and safe. Only Touda could do this, only Touda could soothe his mind and body.

Slowly Touda's hands stroked Tsuzuki's hair, whispering in his low voice to him. It was nonsense, but so reassuring. Tsuzuki closed his eyes, slowly drifting to sleep in this safe embrace. He felt better. He felt alive.

Touda's drew him closer to his body like he wanted to protect Tsuzuki from all that was around him from all the bad things and even from his bad dreams.

All shikigami obeyed to their master, but none of them loved him like Touda did.

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Well… I guess Touda IS ooc… Even though I tried very hard XD

_**Please review!!!**_


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